We all need to speak up – more now than ever. I am sharing my individual experiences and views on abortion because I have a voice. I also have some questions and thoughts about this very controversial subject. The thoughts have been whirling around in my head for a while, so I need to let them out. The ruling of Roe vs. Wade is no more. The “Supreme” Court has changed a decision that they themselves made almost 50 years ago. The fundamental rights that women have over their own bodies.
Miscarriage Defined:
- The ejection of a fetus from the womb before it can survive on its own.
- An unsuccessful outcome of something planned.
When we eat an egg are we eating a chicken? …Just a random thought.
My Miscarriage – 1987
I was married at the time, and pregnant with our second child. I was in the first trimester when I began to bleed. I went to my doctor; she confirmed my pregnancy and told me I was bleeding a lot. I remember feeling so sad and scared, and asked her if I was losing the pregnancy. I remember her telling me, “You have a 50-50 chance of keeping it. Just go home and lay down.”
As soon as I got home, I went in the bathroom and sat on the toilet. When I got up, I remember seeing so much blood in the toilet and I noticed something that resembled a small red sack. I just stared at it and knew I lost the embryo. I remember feeling sadness and heartache. It felt like a real loss to me. My husband didn’t seem to be bothered much about the loss and went over to his friend’s house for the day. My mom was with me as I moped around the apartment and had to take in the fact that I miscarried.
What happened to me is called a spontaneous abortion. The reason we use the word miscarriage is because it sounds nicer than using the word abortion. What my doctor told me is that a spontaneous abortion occurs when the body rejects the embryo because something might be wrong with it.
I got pregnant with my son 3 months later.
My Decision to Keep or Abort – 1997
I had been divorced for 5 years and had not dated anyone. I was a single working mom with two children. On this one night (ironically it was the same night I joined “parents without partners” because my mom had encouraged me to do so), I went to a club to have a drink. I saw a friend I had known for over a year and we began to talk. The talking turned into something else that neither of us planned. Because neither of us planned it, we did not use protection and I got pregnant. Yep. The first time in 5 years that I had sex, I got pregnant. It does happen.
I knew immediately on day 24 that I was pregnant because I was on a 22-day cycle. I had a pregnancy test done and it came back positive. At first, I was happy because I love my two children and would have loved to have another child. But then reality sunk in. I worked hard but I never made much of a salary. I only made $13 an hour as an administrative assistant. It wasn’t because I was lazy as many people tend to think “low-income people” could “do better”. I am just one of those people that never climbed high on the ladder to get better pay. I usually stayed with a job because I had responsibilities to pay rent each month and take care of the kids and myself. There was no time to switch jobs for more money, and honestly, I was too scared to. For me, I was doing the best that I could, and believe me – I was no stranger to work. I have worked since the age of 15. I paid for all of my own expenses as a teenager such as yearbooks, dance dresses, clothes, summer camps, outings, etc.
So, now here I was a single parent of two, and pregnant. I knew I needed to decide on what I was going to do, and I needed to be quick. I never liked the idea that some individuals put off their decision to abort until the second trimester. The thought of that sickened me. I am not talking about medical reasons, I am talking about the ones that wait and wait and wait for no other reason other than they just cannot decide. That was not going to be me.
I was sitting on the fence. I would love to have a third child, but could I afford to have another child on my own? It was already tough for me with two. I was not in love with the father and therefore we would not be together. I would have to raise this child on my own.
My thoughts went back and forth, from one side to the other. I knew that:
- I will have to go before God one day with my actions.
- I am judge and jury if this child lives or dies.
I also knew that:
- I am a single parent with two children, barely making it.
- Would we be able to survive with another child to support?
- Day care would be at minimum $100 a week.
- There was the expense of diapers, formula, a crib. car seat, clothes, medical, and the list goes on.
- What would people think of me? The single mom who got pregnant and didn’t even have a boyfriend?
- What would my family think of me being so irresponsible?
Back and forth I went. I finally called my doctor and asked him to put in a referral for me to go to a specialist for an abortion. I figured that would be the best choice. I didn’t want to do it, but I was trying to be practical.
In the end, I decided to keep the pregnancy and called the doctor and asked him to cancel the referral.
Her name is Michaela, and she is now 24 years old.
Looking Back:
Even though I made the decision to keep the pregnancy, it was an awfully hard road for all of us. We had a lot of bumps, and I did crumble and fall from the pressure. The rent went up, my ex-husband stopped paying child support and I had to take a second job, working 7 days a week for 3 ½ years. I never had a day off and whittled myself down to exhaustion. I lost my jobs, our home, and even my children for a while. It was bad. Thankfully by the grace of God I got back up and worked hard to gain everything back. It took a few years, no easy task when you lose everything.
What I learned through the process is that life can be extremely hard. I also learned that people should not judge others because they have no idea what a person may be dealing with or going through.
When I look back, my decision could have gone either way. It was my decision to make and mine alone. I do believe in God and my belief was and still is that I will have to go before God one day with ALL my actions in life. Not just that decision but ALL my decisions. Things I have said and things that I have done throughout my entire life. But my God is a loving God, and he knows my heart and my struggles. His relationship with me has nothing to do with anyone else. Not the Supreme Court, not the State Government, and not anyone on this planet. My decisions are mine and no one should have the right to take them away from me.
A Few Questions I Have:
- What about a fetus that has died inside the mother before the due date? What if her body does not expel the dead fetus?
- What about frozen embryos? If they are considered “life”, is it okay if they remain frozen? Can they be thrown away if not used?
- How about the 12-year-old girl who is being sexually molested and repeatedly raped by a parent or relative and ends up pregnant? Hasn’t she already experienced enough trauma? Is she going to be made to carry a fetus that is a product of rape and incest to full term? Does this 12-year-old child now have to make the decision to keep this baby or give it away to someone else? Does that seem fair to anyone? What consideration is being made for a child that is a product of incest? The potential problems they may have from being inbreed and the assortment of genetic disorders that would continue through future generations?
- What if at 20 weeks it is determined that a fetus will be born severely handicapped? What is the right choice for the parent and the fetus? To bring a child into this world anyway? If they survive, they may have serious medical issues with serious financial repercussions. How will the parents be supported that may not be able to take care of the child medically or financially?
- What if a pregnancy is an ectopic? If the fertilized egg is left to grow outside the uterus and it’s not aborted – it could damage the woman’s organs and be life threatening.
- What if someone doesn’t believe that aborting an embryo is taking a life? Do they have to believe in what others determine is when life begins? What if a person doesn’t believe in God? Should people who do believe in God determine their rights?
Thoughts on The Supreme Court:
- The Supreme Court has 9 justices and 6 of them are men and only 3 are women. 6 men that have never been pregnant or have ever had to make a decision about a pregnancy in their own body.
Nine (9) Justices:
< 3 appointed by Donald Trump
< 2 appointed by George W Bush
< 1 appointed by George H.W. Bush
< 2 appointed by Barack Obama
< 1 appointed by Bill Clinton
6 of the 9 justices were appointed by Republican Presidents and 3 were appointed by Democratic Presidents. Does that seem like a balanced representation of the people in this country?
- The Supreme Court justices are supposed to be unbiased and yet they appear to be loyal to the political party that was responsible for their appointment. Impartial but yet they seem to stick with their party when they make decisions. It feels a lot like how the House and Senate votes along Democratic or Republican party lines with very few crossing over. Why? Are Senators not representatives for their entire state? Shouldn’t all members of the Senate be taking care of all constituents they are representing? Democrat, Republican, and Independent views? Is it not possible that they can come together and compromise with what works for the masses and not just their own party? The Supreme justices should be unbiased since they are the “Supreme” Court, right?
- The 3 justices that are women are well beyond childbearing age. Can they honestly give a fair and impartial decision on something that does not affect them personally anymore?
As I stated before, I believe in God, but I understand that not everyone does. I am okay with that. It’s not my purpose to judge others. My faith helps me navigate MY life. My God is a loving God who understands each of us intimately. I believe that he knows each of our struggles here on earth. When our time comes, one by one he will go over our life with us. I believe he will wipe us clean and make us whole again. I have a feeling he will take us all with him.
Thoughts of Biblical Reference:
- Matthew 7:1-3 tells us to judge not, lest ye be judged. It also mentions about seeing a speck in someone’s eye and not noticing the plank in our own. So, would that mean that we mind our own business and leave others to themselves? That we need to keep our side of the street clean and if we do believe there is a God, he will manage each person as that is NOT our job but his? For many, we know we are not to judge, but we still do. What does the word judge mean to you personally?
Definition of Judge:
noun – a public official appointed to decide cases in a court of law.
verb – to form, give, or have as an opinion about (something or someone).
- John 8:7 states that those that are without sin, cast the first stone. None of us are without sin, so why are we jumping in on how others should look at things and live life the way we think they should? What if our way of thinking is wrong? Should we be telling people how to think when we continue to learn every day and change our thoughts often when gaining insight from others? At least that is what I’ve learned about people who grow and evolve.
What I Have Learned:
By going through the experience of an unexpected pregnancy, I am empathetic to those that have found themselves in the same position that I was in. They may be wrestling within their own being as to what is the right thing to do. For anyone who thinks it is an easy decision to have an abortion it is not. This is a time when a woman is in her most vulnerable state. I believe that she alone must make a decision that will not just affect her life but the lives of her family.
I already know what I know, tell me something I don’t know. This is what we should remind ourselves. To listen to others and learn. We’re on our own path of life and many of us have taken side routes and gotten lost but somehow, we manage to get on the main road again if we’re lucky. We should all try to be more understanding and empathetic. We should all remind ourselves not to judge others. We certainly don’t like it when someone wants to judge us, right?