Luck – Is There Such A Thing?

The way I see it there is two kinds of luck.  Good luck and bad luck.  Both can be totally random and happen by chance. Both can also be created and influenced. We use the word luck and lucky quite frequently but what does it really mean? Many may think I’m one of the lucky ones because I survived my circumstances. I think it was a combination of blind luck and a lot of hard work and determination.

Luck

a) a force that brings good fortune or adversity. Luck was a big factor in the outcome.

b) the events or circumstances that operate for or against an individual. The loser muttered something about bad luck.

I am 17 years clean and sober and initially it came from a desire deep within my soul. I made a conscious choice to change. Words of encouragement helped drive my desire to succeed and the Salvation Army gave me the guidance and tools to influence my journey. The “luck” came in when; an individual handed me a list of numbers for recovery centers months before I even looked at it, and that there was a bed available for me at the Salvation Army when I ultimately made my choice. How much did luck have to do with where I am at today? Let’s take a closer look at luck.

Blind Luck Happens By:

  • Surprise
  • Chance
  • Fate
  • Fortune
  • No skill is involved in the outcome

Random Luck

When we find money on the street, win at a slot machine, or hit the winning numbers in the lottery. It’s completely random and by chance. It’s something beyond our control and shows up every so often out of the blue. Sometimes it’s just a matter of being in the right place at the right time. For example:

  • We are walking down a sidewalk and we notice a hundred-dollar bill fluttering in the plants. We bend down and pick it up. We look around to see if anyone is around before pocketing it.
  • We go to the store and find an item that is somewhat hidden with the price marked down incredibly low. We do a double check on the price to make sure our eyes aren’t deceiving us.

But consider this…were we lucky or just at the right place at the right time? If we are more observant of our surroundings, do we have a better chance of getting lucky than if we are oblivious to what is going on around us?

Do You Consider This Blind Luck?

  • Near tragedy
  • Having loving parents

A Close Call

When thinking about blind luck I also think about the near tragedies that can happen to us. Falling asleep at the wheel while driving and waking up just as our car starts to veer off the road. What wakes us up before something happens that could be dangerous for us? Is it the wheel hitting the divider? Or does something beyond our understanding nudge us to wake us up?

Or maybe we pass an accident that just happened and realize if we left just a few minutes earlier it could have been us. Did something hold us up from being on the road a few minutes earlier – so therefore we were lucky? It ‘s interesting to think of the possibilities that come from experiences like this.

Amazing Parents

I happen to think we are lucky if we are born to good, loving, supportive parents. That is something that can appear to be random, and we have no control over. When we tell someone, they are “lucky” they got good parents it comes from a place of longing. Someone who has amazing parents and has no knowledge of anything different may not be so inclined to make a comment or think like that. They may think it’s the norm. Growing up in a dysfunctional or abusive household would make someone more cognizant of what someone else may have. They might consider it to be good fortune or “lucky” to have parents who behave differently than their own.

Have You Experienced Blind Luck?

I have had a few blind luck experiences that easily come to mind. They were rare, super lucky and at very random times in my life.

Raffle

In 1987 I was at my company’s Holiday party and was lucky twice in the same night. First luck of the night; I was sitting on a chair at my table that had the “X” underneath it, so I won the centerpiece gift that one person at each table received. The luck continued when they were calling raffle numbers out to give gifts away. We didn’t buy these and each of us had 1 ticket. When they got to the grand prize, which was 2 roundtrip tickets for anywhere in the U.S. plus $500 spending money, they called my number. It was the Grand prize of the night, and I got it!

Bingo

Back in the late eighties I went to play bingo with my husband. It was the last game of the night, and it was a blackout bingo (meaning you had to cover every number on your card). The prize was the “big one” that rolled over each week if no one hits bingo by the 59th number. My husband was closer to covering his numbers than I was and once we got to number 53, 54, I was thinking he might get it. But I was also getting numbers and I caught up to him. As the 59th and final number was called I had the number and got the blackout. No one else called out but me so I got the jackpot on my own. I think the prize was $1,200. For me, that was HUGE. I felt lucky!

Traffic Stop

When I was in my addiction and homeless, I got pulled over by a police officer. He checked my license and found I was driving on a suspended license. Because of the way I was acting he put me in the back of the police car while he checked out my vehicle. I may have had crystal meth in my vehicle at the time but because I had so many containers (which was the contents of my life) loaded to the brim in my vehicle, I just remember seeing the officer roll his eyes as he swung his arms up like, “What am I supposed to do with all this?” I guess he didn’t want to go through the trouble, so he let me go. I remember feeling very lucky.

CREATING OR INFLUENCING LUCK

How many times have we said to someone that they are “lucky” for finding their perfect partner? Or that someone’s “lucky” they get to go see a band we’ve always wanted to see? Maybe it’s just a figure of speech because is it really considered luck? Many fortunate things in life happen due to a will, desire and hard work. Essentially setting yourself up for success.

Can we actually create or influence how lucky we are by improving our odds of success? 

How about:

  • Finding the perfect partner
  • Surviving a tragedy
  • Getting a home
  • Landing the job you’ve always wanted
  • Tickets to see a legendary band

The Perfect Partner

You may have been fortunate enough to find the right partner the first time around. Or you may have had to go through many partners before finding the right one. I think some luck was involved because you had to meet to begin with. But after that, it is all on you. Because I have not found the “perfect” partner I cannot expand too much in this area, but I’ll share some of my thoughts. I think for me, I had to go through a lot and learn about myself before I could recognize what a good partner was. Because of my terrible childhood, I was very closed off, but I didn’t know I was closed off at the time.

I think we tend to gravitate towards individuals that bring a familiarity that was like our upbringing. The reason I believe this is because that is all I ever knew. It is not blatantly clear to us why we are attracted to a certain type. We just are. When I look at whom I’ve dated in my past, I always seemed to pick guys that cared more about themselves than anyone else. It was a familiar trait of my father. They had qualities of egoism, arrogance, selfishness, entitlement, and narcissistic tendencies. We may not “think” we are choosing individuals that are like the people who raised us, but I think subconsciously we are. I found this as one of those “aha” moments for me.

By realizing that I pushed the good guys away and gravitated to a certain type that wasn’t good for me, it made sense. It might be what I thought I deserved. If you are mentally healthy, know yourself and what you want in a partner (and can allow good things in) – I believe good relationships will come to you. We may need to work on ourselves more so we can love ourselves enough to realize we do deserve a loving, caring partner. Once we grow internally, we will be more apt to select better people for ourselves.

Surviving Tragedy

Surviving a near tragedy is blind luck, but I think surviving a tragedy is influenced.

If you suffered an accident and survived, it may have been blind luck. But if the accident left you with physical and emotional damages you now must work harder than most to get yourself back, mind, body, and soul. This is not blind luck. This is work on your part. You must want to get better and work hard to get there. There is no easy way around it and it won’t just happen for you. It isn’t just healing the body, but the emotional damage too. Healing the mind might be the hardest part. There will be fear to overcome so you don’t limit your future. It may be lucky that you survived, but the success of recovery is created and influenced by you.

Home Sweet Home

There are many ways to get a home. One might be that you inherited one. That seems lucky, and it might be. But if it is someone you loved and you had a choice, would you rather have them back then have their home? I guess it depends on who left the home and if you feel lucky or grateful. I think I would lean more towards gratitude than luck.

Most individuals that want to own a home plan for it. They save money for a down payment and once they feel financially ready, they find something within their budget and make the purchase. Many of us want a home of our own but we do not take the steps needed to get there. It has nothing to do with luck but only the desire and motivation to make it a reality. If you want to stop paying rent to someone else and invest in yourself, then start planning now and stick with it. It is surprising once we put the wheels in motion and stay with our plan how the “dream” starts to become a reality. You’re never too late to set yourself up for success. Just begin.

The Perfect Job

Dream jobs don’t normally just land in our lap. We usually earn them. It takes desire to go after our dreams. Landing the perfect job may feel lucky – but don’t sell yourself short. It took drive and determination to put yourself out there and not only apply for the position, but convince them that there is no better person for the job.

If the dream job is to start a business, then hard work will get you there. It may not come easily. Setting up a plan and not giving up are the biggest things that can be influenced. Often, we think of doing something bold, but that is as far as it goes. Entrepreneurs are out there creating a business for themselves; if they can do it, you can too.

Front Row Center

Getting a great seat at a concert might be considered random luck…but going to a concert? – Not so much. If your favorite band is coming to your city, buy the ticket! Create the opportunity for yourself.

Bad Luck

Do you ever feel like sometimes it’s always something?  A black cloud is following you overhead? The universe is against you? When we feel like we’ve been hit with bad luck, it seems like a streak of one thing after another. Unfortunate things happen that is beyond our influence and certainly can be random.

Maybe it happens to teach us something about ourselves. Maybe it will test our patience and attitude. Or maybe we are lacking in gratitude for the good things that happen in our lives. I do believe that bad luck can be created and influenced.  If you set yourself up for disaster or failure then it is certain to come.  With great risk there can be great reward but also great defeat.

Divine Intervention

We can all use more luck in our lives. Good fortune makes us feel happy. The times we are down on our luck tend to make us thankful and grateful for the times we feel the pendulum swing the other way. What about divine intervention?

Is something or someone helping us in ways that are beyond our understanding? I tend to believe we are getting help from above. Call it God, a guardian angel, or the universe. Something’s bigger at play. Some things happen or occur in such perfect timing that it makes it nearly impossible to believe that it was just by random chance.

So the question remains: Did luck have anything to do with where I am at today? Getting my family back, my desire to go back to college and get my Bachelors Degree, find a job where I could thrive, and to write my book are all things I worked hard for. They are successes I earned because of my choice to recover my life. I influenced the outcome.

Whether you receive blind luck, luck through your influence of hard work and determination or help from above, it is a time to rejoice and always be thankful.

Useful links:

Do Something

Week Plan

Very Well Mind

Familydoctor.org

Business News Daily

Does It Always Work Out?

Nearly 20 years ago I remember being at a bar where customers drank beer, played pool, and threw darts. At this time in my life, I was really struggling. I was making a mess of my life and things were falling apart. I can’t remember what I said to the server, but I think she got the impression that I was feeling hopeless by her response. My memory of her words are as clear in my head today as they were so many years ago.

She was wiping down a table and she matter-of-factly said, “It always works out.” I asked her what she meant by that. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “It always works out.” What I got from that is; even when we’re going through hard times, things will eventually work out.

Our Connection

As I reflect on what that server said to me 20 years ago…I rationalize one question:  Was she right?

I hope that when I reflect on my life’s journey, it causes you to think about your own experiences. We all have a story. Chances are that even though we have walked down different paths, we may share similar experiences. Because of our shared experiences, we can connect with each other in a deeper way.

Hard Times

These were two very different and tough years. Both were extremely hard and equally painful.

2002: Chaotic and Running Out of Time

I was working two jobs, taking care of my three children, and caring for my terminally ill mother. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I was also drinking and using crystal meth.

  • Mom died in July.
  • I lost my jobs at the end of October.
  • Our gas was turned off on Thanksgiving Day.
  • I was running to food banks by December.

2003: Losing Everything Including Myself

I was completely out of touch with reality. I wasn’t working and wasn’t even trying. The doctor said I had an emotional breakdown, which was probably true, but I’m sure the drinking and drugs didn’t help.

  • Evicted from our apartment
  • Gave my kids to my older brother to take care of
  • My Driver’s License was suspended
  • I became homeless

I wandered around aimlessly and the days turned into weeks and months. My life was just passing me by as I stood on the sidelines and watched. It felt like a “pause” in time. Nothing was happening and I didn’t get help for myself. Every day was the same.

Words That Mattered

That evening when the server said, “it always works out,” I remember feeling hope. I hung on to her words and to this day have never forgotten them. In my world where I was literally and figuratively a lost soul – those words mattered to me.

Sometimes even the smallest amount of encouragement we give to someone can make a huge impact. We may never know to what extent, but it is worth recognizing the kindness. I bet this server would never have imagined that I’d be writing a blog on a website about something she said to me nearly 20 years ago. Words matter, they stay with you.

I wonder how often this happens in life. I wonder if I have ever said something to someone that was so impactful that it stayed with them. What an honor that would be!

The Flip Side

It’s important to note that our words can also go the other way. We can say things that judge, hurt, wound and scar. These words have the ability to stick with a person for a lifetime. In a world that is becoming increasingly polarizing and divisive among not only strangers but also friends and family – recognizing the impact of our words is imperative. Civility is at stake. Relationships are on the line. I hope I have not said something that was so hurtful it scarred someone’s spirit. That would be such a tragedy. If I did, I would want to apologize to them on the deepest level imaginable.

We need to remember, always, whether it is a family member, friend, retail clerk, server, homeless person, or whoever it is that….

Words Matter • Kindness Matters • Compassion Matters

Dreaming: A Peek Under the Veil?

I’d like to share a dream I had during this very tumultuous time in my life. Hopefully it’s not too off-topic, especially if “it always works out.”

The dream that occurred between the two toughest years of my life may sound crazy, but I think some of you will understand. Sometimes the most peculiar things in life cannot be just explained away. This dream being one of them. I had no idea what was ahead of me as I approached 2003.

Dream: I was walking down a long corridor with someone who was holding a clipboard. There were rows and rows of files on both sides of us. Just as I began to awaken from my dream, I heard myself mutter aloud,

“Keep things going the way they are going.”

If the theory is true that our lives are already planned out – and if as the server suggested “it always works out,” then this dream makes sense to me.

What I mumbled upon waking meant to me that I had a sense or a say in what was coming for me in 2003. Theorizing that: IF we have a say in our life, and IF when we dream subconsciously we can communicate with the other side, then maybe I KNEW what was ahead of me in 2003. That might have actually been my opportunity to make some changes or adjust what was planned out for me. I am guessing my enlightened self knew that I would survive. What else would cause me to say, “Keep things going the way they are going?” My subconscious self was ready to stare down the complete horror that was coming for me the following year.  It would be worse than what I had already experienced, and I was to leave things as they were and forge ahead.

My analogy makes sense to me. I marvel at some of the experiences we go through and it feels like with dreams – we get to peek under the veil just a bit. Maybe we have more say or realization about our lives than we think.

An Open Mind

If you haven’t experienced such a memorable dream or don’t believe in the underlying meaning of dreams, I get it. It is hard to just believe what others say about them. Some people must experience such things for themselves. I would only suggest that you try to leave yourself open to the possibility that there might be more than you understand. If something occurs that is powerful and designed in such a way that it is improbable to be a coincidence, open your mind or take a closer look. Once we begin to “see this way” it is easier to believe.

Was The Server Right?

I believe the server was right. Things DID work out. Even though I went through such unimaginable hardship, I came out better and stronger on the other side. I would not be who I am today if I didn’t go through what I went through in my life. And I like who I am. I’m proud of who I am now.

Life as I know it now:

  • I got my family back
  • I have a place to hang my hat – My home
  • I have been in my current job for 15 years
  • I went back to college and got my BA in Psychology
  • I wrote and published my book in 2013
  • I have a wonderful relationship with my children & grandchildren
  • I finally have my website this year! Woohoo!

Things definitely worked out. I picked up on those words of encouragement back then and they stuck with me over the years. Those words allowed me to latch on to help when it was offered and it changed my life. Many may think that I’m one of the lucky ones. But I wonder if “lucky” is the correct term to use when describing a survivor.

Life Lessons

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about this week -but when I was laying in bed the other night I was thinking about lessons I’ve learned in life. So many experiences I have had so far on my journey crossed my mind. Some lessons have been small or large, painful or humorous. But I have learned from them all. I got up out of bed, walked over to my desk, and wrote down “Lessons in Life” on my notepad so I wouldn’t forget this subject in the morning.

Definition

Lesson (noun): an amount of teaching given at one time. A period of learning or teaching. Instruct or teach someone of something.

Depending on how you view life you may see things that happen as a learning opportunity or think that everything that happens is just random, but in the end we all learn. Since it‘s my blog, I’ll spill my thoughts out on how I see life and the learning opportunities that were presented to me.

I believe we are here for a reason, and it is not accidental. I also believe that with everything I’ve experienced in life there is a reason why. My life has been filled with such oddities and coincidences that it would make your head spin. If things are not by coincidence or accident, then they are meant to happen. They are meant to be. If this is true, then there is structure and guidance in our life that helps navigate us from one place to another as we move forward. A roadmap of sorts. If things happen for a reason and not by accident, what would be the goal or result? I can only come up with the fact that we are here to learn. Experience both the good and bad, and learn from it.  

What are we here to learn?

Small Lessons

I will share some of the small lessons I have learned. Some painful and some quite funny.

The Stairs

I have either lost a laundry basket filled with clothes or had a shoe fly off my foot as I tumbled down a few steps. Because of this awkward, embarrassing and sometimes painful lesson, I have learned to take the stairs slower to hopefully prevent it from happening again.

Speeding

Driving fast in lots of traffic is a recipe for disaster. I have seen too many accidents where someone stops and the person behind didn’t have enough time to stop – and well… you know, an accident occurs. Not only can it be life threatening, the hassle with insurance companies, rental cars, estimates, etc. is exhausting. It’s just not worth it.  I’d rather just drive slower and safer.

Hangry

I’ve been so impatient that I’ve taken a bite of hot food and realized it wasn’t just hot, but lava hot. I roll it around like a hot potato and hope it cools down before I swallow and burn my throat. If you’ve ever scorched the roof of your mouth or burned your tongue on something smoldering that came right out of the oven you’ll understand. I’ve learned to be more cautious and take a small test to see how hot something is before I shove a spoonful in my mouth.

Toe Catcher

Knowing when our little toe might catch a piece of furniture or other household fixture ahead of time is nearly impossible. I think this has got to be one of the most painful things we go through in life and to this day I am still trying to be watchful. It happens with random items in different locations so it isn’t something we can learn how to avoid. We just learn to expect the unexpected, say a few choice words, and hop around for a while.

Gossip

Have you ever been gossiping about someone, and they heard you? Maybe you sent a text to the wrong person and realized it only after pushing send. One time I sent a chat message to my coworker letting her know my boss “was on one” which meant not in the best mood. Right after I sent it, I realized I sent it to my boss! I looked up from my desk into her office and her eyes met mine. She will never let me forget that day. Funny but not funny. We laugh about it now. I definitely double-check an email or text message to be sure I am sending it to the right person. I also learned to be careful with my words. Maybe gossiping about someone is the bigger lesson here. Maybe we should try to do better

Wrong Number?

When your cell phone rings and displays a number that you don’t recognize from an area where you don’t know anyone  – Don’t answer. Chances are you’re going to find out that your car insurance is about to expire and it’s your last chance to renew. Besides not answering what have I learned? I’m definitely not going to miss anything…the message will still be on my voicemail!

I could go on with my small learning experiences, but I know that you have probably thought of your own to ponder now. The ones that taught you a safer way to move forward, and the ways you approach things differently now because you learned a small lesson.

Big Lessons

The big lessons in life can be external (physical) as well as internal (thought provoking). Most often intertwined.

Relationships

Relationships are important to us. Whether with a partner, friend, or family member, each relationship is unique and different. The way we interact with each individual depends on the depth and comfort of the relationship.

Relationships are like the ebb and flow of life. Some last for a short time, some for a lifetime. People come and go for a reason and sometimes a purpose. Life moves us along and at different times we need different things from each other. I value all my relationships. I only have a handful of close friendships, but I think if we are fortunate enough to have one good friend, that is a blessing. The lesson I’ve learned on relationships: Treasure them.

Divorce

I was married and divorced once. Making the decision to divorce was very hard. I struggled because I knew I was breaking up a family. But I also knew I could not stay in a relationship where I was not being fulfilled and I wasn’t happy. We tried counseling, dates, etc. but nothing changed. As much as we tried, we had grown apart and we could not get on the same page. I am not for or against divorce, but I do believe we fundamentally need to be happy.

I know that if I don’t get married again then I won’t have to go through another divorce. It was not a fun experience, and it was extremely painful. I think my experience limited my openness and trust to find another partner.

Lesson: Give your relationship all you got and try to make it work. If you and your partner can’t make it work and you aren’t happy, I doubt they are either. It takes two.

Addiction/Alcoholism

Even with the knowledge that many of my family members were alcoholics and my father even warned me about how easy it was to get hooked, I didn’t think it would happen to me — until it did. I thought I could be just a social drinker, but the more I drank the more I wanted it until it consumed me. I had to get out of the vortex. What a tough lesson this one was!

Lesson: I am an alcoholic and an addict. I cannot drink or use drugs again or I will go back down that rabbit hole and be in a horrible place. I will lose everything I have regained in my life, and I probably won’t survive another time.

Parenting

There was no handbook on the day I got each of my babies. The personality types of each of my children are as unique and different as their relationships are with me. Through the infant, child, and adolescent stages it was to learn as I go. There was purple hair, Mohawk, punk rock, Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, parent conferences, before and afterschool care, doctors, dentists, school events, drill team, and the list goes on. I took parenting classes to try to do things right, but in the end, I still made lots of mistakes.

Lesson: Treasure your children. Time goes fast. Communicate and keep them close. Let them know they can come to you with anything, and you will help them to work it out. Allow them to grow and get out into the world even when it is scary at times. Our job is not to be their best friend but to help them grow into responsible adults.

Finances

Waiting to pay a gas bill so I can buy non-essential items isn’t the way I do things now. Years ago I used to laugh when I looked at my credit score and I’d say, “I am a slow pay but not a no pay.” Now I don’t laugh. I want good credit and I want to pay my bills on time because I’ve learned there are financial benefits.

Lesson: Pay my bills on time and my credit score improves. With a better credit score I can get better finance rates which saves me money.

Employment

I have worked since I was fifteen and I’ve had many types of jobs. Each job has been a learning experience where I have had the opportunity to learn and grow. The relationships I have with my coworkers, management and vendors is what aids me in either loving or hating my job. Because we spend a third of our life at work it’s important to find a job that we like and respect. It’s also important to have a good work-life balance. Work to live instead of live to work.

Lesson: Don’t stay at a job where there is no balance, you are unhappy and not valued. Find the job that makes you feel fulfilled. I have experienced a lot of internal growth and pride by pushing myself to be the best I can be. I want to be proud of the type of employee I am. That is important to me.

Trust

Sometimes we go through experiences that result in us having trust issues. How do we work through that?

  • I was in a car accident years ago. I was at a light, and I remember looking through my rear-view mirror and saw a car come barreling towards me. She hit the back of my car and threw me into the car in front of me. My car was totaled. For months after the accident, I flinched every time I looked into my rear-view mirror. I didn’t trust that it wouldn’t happen again.
  • When I got my divorce in 1993, I didn’t want to get married again. I put an invisible wall around myself to keep from getting hurt again. Sometimes our walls of protection can be a conscious or unconscious effort. In my case, I made a conscious effort to stay protected and save myself from the potential pain a relationship might bring. But I also didn’t allow myself to find a partner to share my life with. I didn’t want to try again because I didn’t trust there would be a different outcome.

I am still learning about invisible walls, tearing them down to try again. If we feel we are scared to do something because of an experience that hurt us, are we hurting ourselves? Missing out because of our fear and trust issues?

Thomas Jefferson said, “With great risk comes great reward.” We can use our lessons from our failures to make better future decisions.

With Every Lesson Learned There Is The Opportunity For:

  • Internal Growth
  • Becoming Wiser
  • Clearer Direction
  • Better Self-Awareness

My Journey

I matter.  I need to treat myself like I treat those I love. I need to be good inside to project good to the outside. Taking care of myself is important. Not just for me but for everyone I touch.

Low self esteem and lack of confidence takes its toll. Whether mine came from my childhood experiences, personal failures or the expectations of society, I wasn’t fully aware of my lack of confidence until I had some tough lessons to learn. That pushed me to the edge where I had to stand up for myself. I did not have to get acceptance from someone else to feel valued. I had to learn to accept myself, as I am. Whether I’ve lost weight, gained weight, or am having a tough time in my life. I am human. I am not perfect but perfect in my imperfections. I am unique. I am one-of-a-kind and I am an original. I need to honor that.

The Hamster Wheel

If I didn’t conquer a lesson or the learning objective, the same lesson would come back to me in different ways, repeatedly, until I mastered it and could get off the hamster wheel and move forward. The quicker I learned, the quicker I grew, and the quicker I could move on to something new.

Simple as that!